Secrets
by colemen
Summary: A Finnick-Katniss Finniss One Shot. I really loved Finnick's character, and I adored the friendship developed between him and Katniss. I especially loved the conversation they had while in the bunkers in 13, in Mockingjay.


Ok I'm new to this site. I've read fanfics before, but never made an account to a fanfic site, and therefore, never contributed my own. Ummm this is actually my first completed fanfic.

I recently read the Hunger Games out of curiosity. And now I'm bent on it. Mostly because of Peeta, my absolute favorite character.

This is a one shot between Finnick and Katniss. I completely cried and all over Finnick's fate. He was such a charming character, funny and all.

Anyway- this takes place in Mockingjay, in District 13.- After the bombing of District 13, and before the propos in which Katniss totally loses it, they drug her and send out a rescue party for Peeta and Annie. I know in the book, its immediately after everyone is safe to leave the bunkers that the propos was to be shot, Katniss broke down, and then Peeta was rescued, but in my one-shot, theres one extra day or so before the propos and all.

Enjoy and leave reviews. Hope you like it!

I do not own the Hunger Games or the characters etc. , it is the work of Suzanne Collins.

Finnick and I are deemed as slightly mentally unstable. My concussion makes me dizzy often, and I have to stop and start counting or thinking about the things I know to be true to calm myself down. Finnick plays around with a piece of rope all day, tying and untying it into knots.

Sleeping does not come easily, not when Peeta is not around to comfort me, and especially not when the nightmares often feature Peeta and his fate. My mind conjures up all the terrible things that could be happening to him, or could have happened to him.

After its deemed safe for us to leave the bunkers, we all try our best to get back to what is normal in District 13. I think about how Finnick told me it became clear to him in the Quell, after Peeta's heart stopped, that I loved Peeta, though in what way he won't say, because maybe I don't even know. I think of how Prim told me that Snow probably won't kill Peeta and get it over with. That they'd rather use him to break me. I think of how Peeta saved us all with his warning, and then the sound of a blow that sent Peeta's blood splattering onto the floor.

When I dream of Peeta speaking with an effort, so unlike Peeta, who has a way with words, and the strange way his leg was twitching, or the blood splattering onto the floor, I wake up with a scream caught in my throat. There is no one to comfort me. My mother and Prim are sleeping peacefully and I wouldn't want to wake them. They're busy as it is everyday in the hospital wings and they need the rest. I try to go back to sleep but after an hour or so of lying in bed, the same worries racing across my mind, twisting my stomach in knots, I give up, knowing I will not get back to sleep.

Instead I get up and I walk out of the room. There is nothing but silence around me, everyone is asleep. I walk the corridors, not sure where I'm going. It isn't until I'm standing outside of Finnick's compartment that I realize this was where I was going all along.

Somehow, I know he will be the only one who can comfort me now. Gale wouldn't understand, and it would just hurt him more anyway, to know that I'm hurting over Peeta. That just complicates things too much, and I don't want to be hurting and hurt him, which would only hurt me more.

I knock lightly on the door and there isn't an answer. I consider leaving, because clearly Finnick is sleeping and I don't really want to disturb him. But then I find the door is unlocked, and despite not wanting to bother him, I can't help it, I just don't want to be awake and alone. I just can't bear it.

Finnick is sleeping and he looks more peaceful than I've seen him ever since I met him. Closing the door behind me, I walk towards his cot and I get down on my knees, so that I am level with his face. I poke him in the shoulder. He doesn't respond. I do it again, whispering his name to try and ease him out of sleep. After a few attempts he finally slowly opens his eyes.

"Who... Katniss?," he asks sleepily.

"Yeah it's me," I say quietly.

He yawns. "What's going on? Everything ok?"

"I had a night mare," I say, blushing. I suddenly feel foolish for coming here. Because I had a nightmare. Like I'm a little girl. Some impressive Mockingjay I am.

"Do you want to talk about it?," he asks. I feel better because he's not mocking me or annoyed or anything. I feel better and I know this wasn't really a bad idea, because somewhere along the way, Finnick has become a good friend to me.

"Not really...," I say. "But I can't go back to sleep. And I just wish Peeta was here. He would help me go to sleep. We'd fall asleep together and somehow that made everything just a little bit better."

I'm suddenly blushing for divulging this information. As far as I know, the only people who knew about this arrangement were those who shared the train with us during the Victory tour and the Quell, and our team members.

He lifts the blanket and says, "You can stay here."

I hesitate, horrified and embarrassed and nervous all at once. I've never shared a bed with anyone but Peeta.

"Don't worry, it's not like that," says Finnick softly. "I know that, and you know that."

I do understand. Because he has Annie in his heart, and I have... someone else...or maybe two other's there. In what ways, I'm not sure.

"Come on," says Finnick.

I carefully climb in next to him and let the blanket fall to cover myself as well. Its very warm under here, and I realize that even if its just a little bit awkward, its still very good to feel a warm body next to me.

I don't know how much time passes or if either of us sleeps at all. Perhaps we drift in and out for awhile, similar thoughts plaguing us, about those we care about who aren't here.

Eventually I am facing Finnick and saying, "I miss him Finnick. I just can't do this anymore. Every thing I do is wrong. Everything I _did_ was wrong."

"What did you do that was wrong?"

"The berries...the unplanned speeches on the tour...blowing out the arena without him next to me...even these stupid propos. All I'm doing is pissing everyone off and making more trouble...and the more trouble I make...the worse it is for Peeta I'm sure," I say, my voice catching at the end.

"Firstly, the berries...well you didn't really know what you were starting with that. All you were doing was being a good person, not killing someone who clearly cared for you, someone you grew to care about. I mean sure, to some it didn't look that way, it was an act of defiance. Still its not what you intended, I know that now. The speeches...well again that was you having a conscience. The arena...it was going to happen either way, whether you did it or not. Everything after that...its just happening, and we can't go back and fix it or change it...We just have to deal with it..."

I'm nodding but my eyes are watering and I feel the tears threatening to spill over.

"I'm being selfish...You're probably feeling as bad about this as I am, because of Annie..."

"Except unlike you, I knew what I was signing up for," he says bitterly. "I knew what I was getting involved with and I knew the risks...But I should have made sure Annie was better protected..."

We lapse into silence after this. Somehow our hands join, and his are warm and strong. Under normal circumstances, just this would be something I would run away from. Because I don't care for physical comfort from anyone but Prim. And recently, Peeta. But I can't be put off by this because we both need it, and isn't this why I came here to begin with? To be comforted from my nightmares of Peeta?

We move closer together, hold each other, and somewhere along the way, our lips touch. We break apart to look at each other. All I see is sadness in his face, which just assures me that this isn't romantic. He comes back toward me and kisses me again. His hands tangle in my hair at the back of my head, pulling me closely to him, and my hands find themselves in his golden hair and then his sides, his back. I've only ever kissed one other person like this, and he's painfully out of my reach.

I never thought I'd be kissing Finnick Odair, but here I am kissing him. Because he's a good friend and we're comforting each other. Gale would never understand, and doing this with him would probably just hurt him more, and he'd hope that I'd made my decision, which I'm unready to do. Kissing Finnick Odair is good, in a comforting way, but it doesn't leave me with the hunger I felt twice with Peeta. It leaves me aching more in a way, wishing Peeta was here, wishing Annie was here too.

Our tears mingle together as we embrace and we kiss, sometimes fiercely, sometimes frantically, and sometimes tenderly. Our mouths move together and our tears spill onto each other, and our arms embrace, as our hearts cry out to those who haunt our thoughts. I kiss Finnick longing for Peeta, and Finnick kisses me, longing for Annie, and we both know that, and we're both okay with it. This is just two friends, understanding each other's pain, comforting each other through the night.

Eventually we fall asleep, hands held tight, tears dried, leaving tracks on our faces, that neither of us bothers to hide.

In the morning we wake, still holding onto each other. I'm not even really embarrassed about what happened, which was innocent enough. I turn to look at Finnick and he smiles a gentle smile at me.

"So, tell me a secret," he says in a mock seductive voice.

I smile at the joke. "You already know my secret."

And its clear what I mean, after the tears and the kisses, silent admissions to what's been speculated already, about just what my feelings may really be, whether I'm ready to figure them out or not.

"Yeah its like you said...Everyone knows your secrets before you do."


End file.
